Avoidance

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I got an a-mail recently, asking about my diet. To be more specific, wondering what happened to those weekly posts about my weight and what I was doing to finally lose it.

There's a reason it's been months since a "Wednesday Weigh-In."

It's because I've been avoiding the scale.

Between the Big Move, the constant work on the house (pictures to come very, very soon), adjusting to a new city, and my anesthesia residency, time for me has been in short supply.

My drive to work follows the river. Next to the river is an amazing running/biking path. As I drive to work at 6 am, in the early morning grayness, the path is full of old ladies walking in groups, cyclists in yellow spandex and helmets, college girls in tanktops and headphones. And I wish I could join them. But while they are out walking, cycling, and running, I'm already headed to work. I pass them again in the evening on my way home. And I think maybe I could fit it in. But at home, there are textbooks and journal articles, and dishes, and meals, and home renovations, and the two most darling boys ever. And I don't go out. I stay put and work hard.

And I'll admit that I haven't been eating as healthy as I should. We've allowed ice cream back in the house. It was for rewards for Monkey completing potty training, but I'll admit I've had at least my fair share (if not a little more). The short evenings and heavy work load have translated into more meals of pizza and fast food. Breakfast is a bagel or English muffin. Then I get home after 12 hour days, not having eaten all day. And I'll break into a box of crackers.

During all this time, the scale has remained pushed back as far as I can get it into the back corner of my closet.

I can't bare to look. All the hard work I did earlier in the year surely is gone.

I'm not sure I foresee a time when there will be more time to take care of me. I've got more balls than I can handle in the air, burning the candle at both ends, hanging by my teeth, whatever you like.

I'd like to say I'm doing the best I can, but I know that's not true. Everyone can always to better. I could eat healthier, even when I'm stressed. I could stop blogging and pull out my stationary bike.

Someday, I'll get brave enough to pull out the scale. And then someday I'll stand on it. And someday, I may even look down and read the number between my feet.

But for now, I'm just going to keep plowing along.

5 comments:

Emma Lilly said...

Sometimes there are more important things than the scale. I and several people O know have been obsessed with what is on the scale more than how I look or feel.
Take pride in knowing that your a good mother, wife, and doctor. When your ready to integrate workouts and getting in shape, the time will come. And since when is renovating and raising two kids not a workout? You lose calories just reading or chewing gum. Not as much as you may like. But think hey I'm accomplishing much more than just my weight. I have an awesome family and career.
And I have all the time in the world and do nothing, because I am lazy.

Alorah said...

I totally agree with what Emma posted!!!
As long as you are healthy there are a whole lot of things more important than the scale.
I do have a question though, how far is it to work? Is it far enough that it would be out of the question for you to walk/run or bicycle to work? I don't know, maybe it is way to far, but if not it could be a way for you to get some activity while doing what you have to get done.
In the end though there are more important things to stress about than your waight. So keep your chin up because you sound like you are doing well in so many other areas of your life.

Karen said...

Whatever you do, do NOT give up blogging! :-)

We can definitely all take better care of ourselves, but I don't think you need to beat yourself up for the way things have been recently and will be for the next while. Life is hectic and crazy and you'll get there eventually.

Bonnie said...

I am so proud of you. You are a fabulous writer, and I agree with Karen, your blog is too good, and I hope you will not ever stop writing it, unless of course you were to take up with a good publishing company. You are a delight to your family,you are fashionable, beautiful,have charm and friendliness, good humor and genuine caring, education and skills; you have satisfactions and contentments and purpose, and motivation. You are to most of us, all that we dream to become. Please don't let the mouse in the corner of your closet nibble its way into all that happiness!

Kerree said...

Why are you writing about my life???? :)