Holiday Confession

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I guess every holiday deserves a confession.

Here's mine.

Our children don't believe in Santa Clause. And it's our fault.

We decided, long before we had children, that we would not do Santa Claus in our family.

I could say it is for religious reasons. I could say it is because we want to focus on Christmas being about Jesus's birth. I could say all those things and more. But that's not the real reason.

I don't ever remember believing in Santa Claus. Hubster doesn't either. And maybe missing out on those memories made our decision easier.

The real reason we decided not to support the idea of Santa Claus was due to watching friends stop believing.

I had friends who described the devastation they felt when they realized Santa wasn't real.

The other reason was the whole idea of lying to my child. I have friends who, even now, go through complicated charades and set-ups to keep their children "believing." Setting out cookies, then eating part of them after the kids are in bed. Addressing presents as "From Santa." Even getting on skis and taking a loop around the yard in the snow to make it look like Santa's sleigh had been there. Or using Santa as a way to manipulate children into good behaviour.

It feels dishonest.

I don't want to lie to my children. I'm not saying I tell them everything about everything. Sometimes I omit (How did the baby get in her tummy?), sometimes I simplify (What is blood made out of?), sometimes I just tell them I can't tell them (Why is that person on the news?). But I'm not going to go out of my way to support what amounts to a lie.

I recognize these might be rather strong feelings. Maybe overly strong. And I don't want anyone to think I'm condemning parents who do promote Santa. We've just chosen not to.

There's another thing about Santa that I don't like. The concept of Santa makes me sad. I always wondered how people explained that Santa only came visit children whose parents made money, but that he didn't visit children who were poor, or homeless, or sick in hospitals.

I desperately wish that there was a Santa, and that he brought new computers and PlayStations and puppies to every child. I wish there was someone that made sure everyone had something to open Christmas morning. I wish there didn't have to be children who only got one pair of socks, or a piece or candy, or nothing.

But wishing doesn't make it so.

So my children don't believe in Santa.

Watching their eyes light up this time of year, I don't think this has decreased the magic that surrounds the season. Or given them any less to believe in.

Makes My Day

Monday, December 14, 2009

Gina, over at Namaste by Day, gave me the Happy 101 award.

This award, meant to be gifted to bloggers who make you smile, has two requirements.

1. List 10 things that make you happy
2. List 10 bloggers who brighten your day.

I'm not sure I've been the "brightening others' day" type of blogger lately, but nothing like a good award to get me back on my optimistic track.

Things That Make Me Happy...

1. Sleeping in. Any day that I don't wake up and have it still be pitch black outside is a great day. Even if it means that there is occasionally a little three year old snuggled next to me. Especially if there is a little three year old snuggled next to me.

2. PhotoShop: I don't have nearly enough time to spend doing this, but it is so satisfying to see some of my less than perfect pictures be transformed into living room wall worthy pictures. And being able to remove the evidence that I didn't wash faces prior to taking pictures is priceless.

3. Christmas: I don't think this one should actually be this far down on the list. Everything about Christmas is so contagious to me. The lights, the trees, the treats, the music. I'm pretty sure I'm the most obnoxious one as work with all my excitement.

4. My house: Even after having lived here for six months, I look around and am so incredibly happy that we have our own home, without downstairs neighbors, with space to put things. I love our house. With apartments, from the day we moved in to the moment we moved out, the feeling of discontent and dislike grew every day. With our house, we fall in love more every day.

5. The end of the day. It doesn't matter how much I've enjoyed my work for the day, I'm so excited to go home. My drive home is mostly along the river, which is pretty at all times of the year. There is very little traffic, and only two traffic lights, so I don't arrive home stressed out from the commute like I used to. And absolutely nothing beats pulling into the garage and seeing the door open and two blonde-headed, blue-eyed faces light up at seeing me.

6. My new turquoise sweater. I love this sweater. It's my favorite color. It's super warm. And I get compliments every time I wear it.

7. Pancakes! I try to make pancakes (from scratch) at least once a week. I'm not sure anyone else in my family likes them as much as I do, but that isn't going to change Saturday or Sunday being pancake morning.

8. Panera Cinnamon Crunch Bagels. I had these for the first time on a call night in the ICU. And I've been hooked ever since. It's a good thing I don't pass Panera on my way home or we would be eating these a lot more. These are seriously the best bagels I have ever had. And now I want some...

9. Reading with the boys. Every night, I read with Monkey, and then with Bug. With Monkey, it's usually Bear Snores On, or A Color of His Own, or The Very Hungry Catepillar (or all of the above.) With Bug, it is a chapter from the book we are making our way through, currently The Shores of Silver Lake. I love this time with my boys that I fit in no matter how crazy the day, no matter how long the to-do list, no matter how tired I am. I will not miss this time with them.

10. Very silly, but anything related to weddings. I love the colors, the flowers, the decorations. I almost always flip through wedding magazines while I wait to check out at the grocery store. I'm still trying to convince Hubster that we need to have a second wedding, because it would just be so much fun. He apparently has different recollections of wedding planning.

I have to tag all my IRL friends.

Emma Lily
Todavine
Trina Bug
The Boy and I

I love these three girls, and they've stuck around with me for years. I love that they have started blogging and we can stay in touch more these days.

Then, people that make me happy every time I read their blogs. If you haven't read these, you should.

Karen at A Peek at Karen's World
Jennee at Cheap Therapy
Christian at Modobject at Home
Tia at Clever Girl Goes Blog
Stephanie at Steph in the City

Let me know what just makes your day.

The Real Deal

Friday, December 11, 2009

A Christmas tree is not just a decoration in our house. It is a family outing, activity, and tradition.


The first week of December, we load everyone up in the car. We drive to a Christmas tree lot that looks just right, the kind that have a light-bordered sign, a hand-warming station, and rows upon rows of trees. We try to avoid stores. Then everyone tumbles over each other out of the car and spreads out to look for the ultimate goal. The perfect tree.

This was true when I was a little girl, a teenager, then a college student home to visit. And it is still true now, with my own children.

There is usually some debate about who has found the perfect tree. But after seeing them all, everyone tends to fall in love with the same one.

The tree is then tied to the top of the car roof. Everyone piles back in, chilled, but excited. The tree is taken home to be covered with lights, popcorn garlands, baubles of all colors, and a variety of ornaments made at school. Everyone gets to put something on.


The tree fills the house with woodsy freshness, soft light, and a natural gathering place Christmas morning.

Our very real tree this year

Seeing a Christmas tree from this point of view, I'm sure it is not surprising that I am not a fan of artificial trees.

My stand point on artificial Christmas tress is well known. And it isn't just the ridiculous papery overly bright green look of the things.

It is the loss of the entire event that surrounds getting and setting up the Christmas tree each year. To have the Christmas tree lot replaced by the basement. To have the smell replaced by a cardboard box. I have resisted this every way I know how.

When Hubster mentioned a fake tree in the past, I pointed out that we lived in a two bedroom shoebox, and where was he planning on storing the thing for the 11 months of the year it wasn't being used. I've ridiculed fake trees. I've clung to my real tree snobbery.

So, I can't believe I'm going to say this.

Next year, we're going to get an artificial Christmas tree.

I've lost my "lack of storage" excuse, now that there is both a basement and a garage. And Hubster has shown me some trees that look pretty amazing for fake ones. Ones that have realistic needles and pinecones.

Ones that don't shed needles on the floor everytime Monkey throws a ball at it. Ones that already have the lights on. Ones that don't turn into a crispy brown accident waiting to happen.

I've fought and resisted for a very long time. The dark side has finally won.

Oh, Christmas Meme, Oh, Christmas Meme...

Thursday, December 10, 2009

1. Have you started your Christmas shopping?
I am DONE! This is truly miraculous. Usually we are still shopping the day before and feeling frantic because we still have not been able to come up with an idea for one of my brothers-in-law or my grandmother. But this year is different. No rush. No panic. All done. It is wonderful. And strange. Mostly strange.

2. Tell me about one of your special traditions.
On Christmas Eve, my family would put on the Christmas pagent. Most of the time, this involved everyone actually being in the play and no one in the audience. But that never mattered. My role, being the oldest, was usually to be the donkey. Now, when we have Christmas with my family, I get to watch, as Bug and Monkey are in the pagent. After we do the pagent, we light candles and sing Christmas carols. I known it sounds incredibly Norman Rockwell, but it is completely true. I guess to make it sound more modern American family, I should add that Hubster hates singing as a principle, and he usually sneaks out and plays poker on the computer.

3. When do you put up your Tree?
Usually the first week in December. Sometimes earlier, sometimes later. We usually aim to get it up before Christmas. We've cut it pretty close some years.

4. Are you a Black Friday shopper?
I went shopping on Black Friday for the very first time this year. In the past, I've been oblivious to Black Friday shopping. I have gone out before, and wondered why so many people were also out. But this year, we actually were thinking about shopping at this time of year. So I ventured out. I actually posted the entire adventure here.

5. Do you Travel at Christmas or stay home?
Every since we got married, we haven't spent Christmas at "home." We alternated Christmases between my parents' home, 1 hour south of us, and Hubster's parents' home in Montana, 8 hours north of us. For the last 8 Christmases, we have packed suitcases and slept in guest rooms. This year, we are staying home. Because family is 1200 miles away. This will be interesting.

6. What is your funniest Christmas memory?
One Christmas, when I was about 9 years old, I was more excited for Christmas than I ever was before. My brother and I stayed awake nearly all night long, whispering and talking about what we might get and how excited we were. My parents told us we were allowed to come upstairs to open presents when we heard the grandfather clock chime six. We waited and waited. Finally, we couldn't take it any longer and we snuck upstairs, thinking we were being naughty because we hadn't heard the clock. It was 7 am. My parents had turned off the grandfather clock chime so they could sleep in.

7. What is your favorite Christmas Movie of all time?
It's a Wonderful Life. Classic, perfect. I get choked up every single time.

8. Do you do your own Christmas baking?
I do some baking. Just because it's not really Christmas without some baking/cooking. I usually focus on one thing per year. Some years I make candy. Some years I make cookies. This year, it's going to be cookies, because I saw the cutest thing on Modobject at Home.

9. Fake or Real Tree?
Real, for now. Complete post on the topic coming soon.

10. What day does the actual panic set in to get it all done?
Usually the week before Christmas. But this year, everything is already pretty much done. Boxes are to be mailed this weekend to family. No panic this year.

11. Are you still wrapping presents on Christmas Eve?
Most years, I am. But they are usually my mom or my mother-in-law asking me to wrap presents for them. This year, I plan on being done, well, this weekend actually.

12. What is your favorite family fun time at Christmas?
Singing Christmas carols as a family on Christmas Eve.

13. What Christmas craft do you like the best?
Making paper snowflakes. For as long as I can remember, we have made snowflakes. We make them almost every day. We hang them from the ceiling, tap them to windows and wall. They are everyhwere. I did it as a child, and now Bug and I do them. Bug would like to, but lucky for us, he doesn't know how to use scissors.

14. Christmas music? Yes or No, and if yes, what is your favorite song?
Yes! Although I don't own a single Christmas CD. Strange, I know. But I do set my Pandora station to Christmas music, which works almost as well. My favorite song to sing would probably be Oh, Come all Ye Faithful. But I really like new takes on old songs, like Sarah McLachlan and Barenaked Ladies' version of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. I'm also incredibly partial to Carol of the Bells.

15. When do you plan to finish all your shopping?
Like I said before, Done! Although one box from Amazon did just ship earlier this week, and has not arrived yet.

Do you want to play along?Just simply copy and paste the questions into your blog, and then answer them. Then tag 5 or more of your favorite blogs, and leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged.

I am going to tag
Todavine
TrinaBug
Emma Lily
The Boy and I at Speakinathat

And anyone else who would like to do it, feel free! (And let me know if you do it.)

When you post on your blog, please spread some Christmas Cheer, and leave a link back to the blogger who started the meme: Heather at Top Ten Christmas.

I wasn't actually excited about doing this meme at all, but decided to do it because I didn't have the energy to think of a "real" post. But I actually had a lot of fun doing, and it made me think about a lot of other things I want to post about. So look forward to extending answers and more stories at a later date!

Interpretation

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince came out of video today.

(Or whatever we call it these days, since nothing really comes out on video anymore...but on DVD and Blu Ray. But that's irrelevent.)

Yes, despite the fact that I've been essentially living in a trauma team room for the last two weeks, I know that Harry Potter is now available to own.

This may because that's part of what Hubster is getting for Christmas. (And he already knows this, so it doens't spoil any surprises. )

I have made my love of Harry Potter obvious. I have read these book more times than I have read Pride and Predjudice or The Hobbit.

The amazing thing is, I also like the movies.

It's a hard thing to do, to take a book that is adored and make a movie that is equally loved.

When making a movie from the book, so many different elements need to be considered. First, there is the overall feel, mood, and tone of the story. There are the characters, and how the reader pictures them compared to what they look like on screen. And then there is the plot and storyline. How closely should it be followed and what deviations and variations are okay, and which are simply just wrong?

We all know I love lists. So here is my list of best movie based on a book. I'm not saying best movies ever, or best books ever. But best interpretation of the book into a movie.

1. Harry Potter:

Okay, obviously this was going to be number one. The characters are extremely well casted. When you re-read the books, how can you not see Daniel Radcliff or Robbie Coltrain? The magic of the stories is present at every turn.

All except Prizoner of Azkeban. I dislike this one. I felt that the change of the plot to let you know that Peter Pettigrew was alive in the middle of the movie was a let down and took away all the suspense. Also, what is with the shrunken heads and the singing frogs?

2. Bourne Identity:

I really mean all three movies. This is one of the best triologies out there. Because don't you feel that most trilogies are excellent...until you come to the third movie (Think Spiderman, The Matrix, and X-Men.) However, the Bourne Trilogy doesn't disappoint from Identity to Ultimatum. I loved the movies so much, I decided to read the books. The books are terrible. Horrible. Okay, the first one is okay. The second two...ridiculous. The movies are only loosely based on the books. So this movie makes it on the list by being the rare time that the movie is better than the book.

3. Pride and Prejudice (BBC Version):

If you didn't see this one coming...well, then I've done a terrible job of proclaiming my love for all things Austen. I do like the Kiera Knightely version as well, with all it's beautiful cinematography and heightened sense of romance. But that version fudges over some of the subtleties of character and plot that I feel are essential to understanding Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy. Which is why the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice wins out. Yes it is long. But it so well captures the characters and plot that you can almost (almost) get away with not reading the book. (Almost.)

4. Lord of the Rings Triology

Yep, another triology made the list. Peter Jackson's attention to detail, amazing casting, and mind-blowing special effects and sets make this hard not to put on this list. Any variation from plot is easily forgiven by the adventure and magic that fill this epic.

5. Angels and Demons:

As far as books go, I like Da Vinci Code more than Angels and Demons. But as a movie...Angels and Demons wins out. This movie makes it on my list because it captured the beauty of Rome, and the horror of the events. And honestly, I'm pretty sure that if you hadn't read the book, finding out who the true villan was would be just as shocking watching the movie as it was reading the story.

There are movies based on books I read that I want to see. These include The Time Travelers Wife, Revolutionary Road, Where the Wild Things Are, to name a few.

I'm sure that I should include a list of worst movie interpretation of a book. I'll work on that.

What do you think? Anything I missed?

Days of the Week

Sunday, December 6, 2009

I don't even know what day of the week it is.

I had Monday off, which made Tuesday my Monday, and so I thought Friday was Thursday. I had most of yesterday off, which made that Saturday, which I'm pretty sure it was. But I'm working today, so it's technically my Monday, which makes tomorrow Tuesday, which it's not.

And I'm tired. Getting up at 4:30 am does not agree with me. Given the complete lack of signs of life at that time of day, I'm pretty sure that time of day disagrees with most people.

I roll (or more like droop or collapse) through the door back home at 6:30 pm.

Bug and Monkey are in bed at 8:30 pm. (or 9, or 9:30. It all depends on my level of alertness and motivation at the time.)

I try to catch up on e-mail, some academic reading, laundry, and dishes for a hour. I fall into a dazed stupor in front of the TV for another hour (At this rate, I will never catch up with my DVR). Then I shower, read a little more, and fall asleep around 11 pm.

Only to wake up in 5 1/2 hours and do it all over again.

I spend 2 out of every 24 hours with my children. I spend just over twice that sleeping. It makes me feel selfish. And those 2 hours are spent trying to get them to sit up at the table and just eat two bites, for the love of all that is holy. And where is the math homework? And I've already asked you five time to put your pajamas on, why are you still running around naked? And I'm pretty sure that is plenty of water for tonight.

And that makes me feel even worse.

The confusing thing for me is how much I like the work that I'm doing right now. I haven't once dreaded going to work. I do dread the alarm clock going off, but that's a completely different thing. Actually, most of the time, when I hear my alarm go off, I think it is mistake, and my brain doesn't comprehend that I actually need to get out of bed in the pitch black night.

Last month, the work I did was mind-numbingly boring. The days were so painfully slow that it was all I could do to pull myself out of the house, into the car, and actually go. I was home a lot more.

This month, I'm home less, but the work itself appeals to me more than anything else I've done so far my intern year (except for emergency medicine. If anesthesiology takes a turn for the worse, that it what I would do instead.)

Right at this moment, writing this between my pager going off every 5 minutes, occasionally twice at once, I am desperately homesick. Each sign of a child in the hospital tugs painfully some place deep in my chest.

I feel like I'm caught in some masochistic catch-22. I can either work that I enjoy and been gone all the time, or I can dread every second of each day of work and be home more.

I would pick the second one, if I was forced to choose.

It makes me wonder why I ever get upset with my children. Why would I ever waste a single breath being mad? (Until I find that Monkey has turned off the fridge. Again. And then I have a memory lapse about not being upset.)

Writing the month may be scarce.

With time being my most precious commodity, I'm trying to spend it on my family and get us out of the slump that the last week has thrown us into. That's what I plan doing on my next Saturday...whatever day of the week that may be.

2 hours, 10 minutes later...

Saturday, November 28, 2009

I guess since it's been over a week since I saw it, I should finally share my thoughts on New Moon.

Overall opinion? I liked it.

Even with the over-enthusiastic giggles throughout the theater of girls under the age of 14. Despite the fact there were moments so cheesy and ridiculous that I couldn't stand to look at the screen. Despite the fact that Kristen Stewart had this strange chin movement and grunt noise that irritate me. Despite the fact the movie seemed to want to focus on the sex appeal of the male characters instead of the plot. (Although...can you blame them?)

















Actually, maybe the giggling teens made it more enjoyable. Otherwise the periodic gasps at the sight of Jacob's abs, or the jaw drop over Carlisle (why is he so overlooked?) that came out of our group would have been much more noticeable. And who wants to feel self-conscious while trying to immerse oneself into a world of mythical creatures and romance?

As far as the technical aspects go, the larger budget is obvious. The special effects were actually believable, instead of slightly painful, as they were in the first movie. The acting was improved over the first film, as well (as it usually is as actors age and settling into their roles a little more).

The movie caught the feeling of the book remarkably well. A story that is focused on depression and isolation, these emotions come across on screen nearly as well as they did in the book. I felt the movie caught not only Bella's depression, but Edward's as well.

It could be that I'm just easy to please. I enjoy the books and had every intention of enjoying the movie. And it could have been that I was out with other girls and estrogen in that high of a dose may impair my judgement.

How does the movie come across to someone who hasn't read the Twilight books? I don't know. I'll have to wait and find out when I force Hubster to watch it with me when it comes out on video.